Question Core Beliefs

No one escapes childhood without a wound or two. Adults inevitably slip up and judge the child rather than the behavior, and children absorb these judgements as their own. It’s easy to imagine the damage done when a child’s life is characterized by abuse. 

The judgments formed in childhood forge our core beliefs about ourselves, others, and the way the world works. We rarely question them, so they endure. We filter out experiences that don’t align with them, so they are reinforced. Yet they are rarely true.

Core beliefs are the root of our emotional distress. We are overwhelmed because we believe we lack the resources to manage life successfully. 

The most important work I do as a counselor is helping clients question old ideas and move beyond the limitations they impose.   

Embrace Risk

Taking risks can be scary. Yes, avoiding risk keeps our lives familiar, predictable, and safe, but at a cost: 

• We pass on opportunities to learn, grow, and connect. 

• We remain in careers that are deeply unsatisfying.

• We develop few, if any, meaningful relationships because we refuse to become vulnerable. 

Refusing to take risks is a sensible strategy when we believe we are certain to fail. It’s also an excellent way to reinforce our negative core beliefs. If we never try, we never fail, but we never succeed, either. We stay stuck. 

My work with clients inevitably involves encouraging risk-taking.         

Avoid Avoidance

Confronting yourself can be uncomfortable, and most of us avoid doing so, often for a very long time. But avoidance doesn’t make the pain go away; it perpetuates it. A friend once said “Nothing I bury stays dead.” Too true.

Avoidance is a defense mechanism that can be tremendously helpful following a distressing event, but its long-term practice is damaging.

We avoid our emotions because they are painful, and we shut out experiences that might trigger the feelings we are trying to escape. This is a recipe for depression and anxiety, not for healing.

I work gently and patiently with clients to own their stories, process their feelings, and move on in their lives.